Out of Control! Read online

  When I got home, I compared my messy house to my neighbors’ perfectly clean house, and it looked like a burglar had come in and had thrown everything he could find up in the air to see where it would land.

  I’d cleaned all day, gone out for two hours at the most, and here I was again.

  When I checked on the family, they were all in their garbage can, sleeping.

  All but one.

  Somehow Mu had gotten out of the garbage can and was sleeping alone on the rug. Had his own family kicked him out? Was he at least allowed to eat first?

  The poor thing.

  I took little Mu to bed with me so he wouldn’t have to sleep alone. Tomorrow I’ll find a way to get that hungry guy fed.

  I didn’t sleep a wink. The whole night I was afraid I’d roll over and crush poor Mu. Then at five thirty, we were ambushed by the rest of the Olgamus tribe. They came in, jumped on my bed, decided that it was the perfect time to destroy blankets, walked on my face, bit my feet and toes, and got into at least three wrestling matches on my stomach.

  When they left, Meh jumped on the bed and snuggled next to me. This was the perfect time to give Mu his big chance, so I grabbed Mu and gently placed him next to Meh’s tummy.

  Within two seconds, all the babies were back! Upsi attacked Mu. She rammed right into the poor guy until he had to let go.

  He jumped onto the floor. Ouch! Now he was chewing on my foot!

  Compared to the others, Mu seemed so small and weak. But how could I make them understand? They were just babies, and I was discovering that babies don’t know the first thing about sharing.

  After stepping in another pile of Olgamus poop, I noticed the awful state of my room and felt like I might cry. It was such a mess, and I was soooo tired.

  I needed a break, and I needed a quiet place to do some research about what to do when a baby won’t eat!

  Ms. Swoop told me that if I came to the library, I could pick up a few comic books. I packed my things, kissed each Olgamus, and left.

  When I opened my front door, there were a million flashes!

  There were others, too. I ran as fast as I could to get away from them. I might be tiny, but I’m a fast runner, and the reporters with their heavy cameras were not.

  I finally made it to the library.

  I sat down at the computer and started looking up information about baby animals.

  Here’s what I found out about baby animals.

  I know, this information isn’t going to help me with Mu, but I can’t help it. I love discovering these funny facts! I’m a curious girl.

  I was hoping to be home by lunchtime to check on the family, but it was already way past lunch! Time was running out.

  At last! I found a dog-breeding website called Paw Wow. They had information about all sorts of puppy problems, and then I found this. It was not good news!

  DEATH?? Was my little Mu’s life in danger? He was the runt!

  According to the website, I had to help Mu by making sure he had some alone time with Meh. But how could I do this with all the other babies in the house?

  I’d better figure it out quickly.

  Maybe Chuck could help.

  Chuck listened to my problem and had an idea instantaneously.

  He went into the basement and came back with something that looked like a cage.

  That was an EXCELLENT idea. I hugged Chuck like he’d just saved my life.

  We ran home with the crate and were welcomed by an OLGAMUS PARTY.

  Upsi was rolling around on my skateboard; Ogle was unrolling toilet paper all over the floor, and Pollux was hanging from the kitchen lamp.

  Meh came and rubbed against my legs. She looked tired and I could see why. I was exhausted after just two minutes in the house with her babies, and she spent 24/7 with them.

  Chuck and I found Mu curled up on my pillow. He didn’t look up when I called him. He looked asleep.

  Chuck picked up Meh and put her in the crate. She didn’t understand what was going on. I’d never, ever put her in one of those before. The only time she had been in anything like a cage was when she’d been at the vet before the babies were born, and I know she didn’t have fond memories of that day.

  Then I picked Mu up. He looked and felt like a deflated water balloon. He probably weighed the same too.

  The poor little guy barely opened his eyes—and then he didn’t react when I laid him next to Meh, who began licking him. Maybe she was trying to wake him up.

  It didn’t work.

  When Chuck closed the little door, the other babies didn’t like it one bit. They started climbing onto the cage, making their absurdly cute DOWDOWDOWD cries. They wanted in.

  Everything was getting worse! All the Olgamuses were in distress, and Mu wasn’t waking up to nurse. Our plan wasn’t working. I felt like crying.

  While Chuck was gone, I picked up the other babies myself and took them to my bedroom, where they began complaining. I closed the door behind me so that Mu and Meh would have some quiet time to nurse. But Mu was sleeping, not eating.

  Chuck came back with the Lalas, who were very worried.

  But hand-feed him what? On the website, they said to feed puppies milk formula, but I have no clue if dog milk and Olgamus milk are the same thing. Not all mammals’ milks are exactly the same. I don’t want to poison the poor little guy!

  Oh, yeah. The Lalas are disgusted by almost anything. So I got the drop of milk from Meh (no, I don’t need to illustrate this) and Chuck got the microscope.

  I LOVE looking at things under the microscope. Here are things I’ve observed before:

  This was the first time any scientist had ever looked at Olgamus milk. I carefully set the drop of milk on a glass slide, adjusted the lenses, and took a look.

  Here is what we saw:

  It didn’t give us a list of ingredients.

  I felt sorry for ever thinking that the Lalas were silly or dumb. They have pretty good ideas. A milk and olive oil formula might not be the solution to Mu’s problem, but it was certainly worth trying.

  I didn’t have olive oil at home, but the Lalas did: they said they used it in their DIY beauty products.

  Here’s the recipe we used:

  While Farla was playing with the babies in the bedroom and trying to keep them quiet, I picked up Mu from the crate. Chuck and Shalala stayed with Meh. She fretted whenever someone picked up one of her babies.

  I sat down with Mu on the couch, cradling him in one arm like a human baby. He was still sleeping, so I opened his little mouth myself and put the bottle right in.

  At first, he had no reaction. But then he started suckling. It seemed he was barely able to get anything, but when I looked at the bottle again and saw the milk going down, I knew it was working!

  Mu drank about a quarter of the bottle and closed his eyes. There was no way to wake him up for more—he was out cold—so I set him up on a cushion and let him sleep.

  I woke up to the awful sound of howling. There was a beast jumping on my legs. I turned over and tried to fall back asleep, but Upsi wasn’t letting me.

  I tried to grab Upsi but couldn’t catch her. I looked up, but guess what. It wasn’t Upsi jumping on my legs—it was Mu! Mu, looking healthy and very energetic! And HUNGRY.

  I set Mu up next to his mama, and just like that—he started eating right away. Meh started purring. She seemed relieved.

  The milky olive formula we’d made had worked.

  Hey, guys! Yippee! All the pups came running up and jumped on me. I fell down, and we rolled around on the carpet.

  I played with each one of the babies. I was so happy that everyone was feeling good! I celebrated by making myself some mac and cheese with pickles.

  I had to tell my friends the great news about Mu. I knocked on the Lalas’ door and told them everything. They wanted to come with me to tell Chuck, Mr. Hoopah, and Ms. Swoop.

  Everybody was as relieved as I was. Ms. Swoop gave me a book she had found on how to train puppies to do
tricks. I decided I’d try to train the Olgamuses as soon as I got a chance.

  Mr. Hoopah and Ms. Swoop hadn’t met the babies yet, so I invited everybody to come back to my place.

  When I opened the door, the smell was THORRIBLE (it’s a word I made up to express something that’s terrible and horrible at the same time). It smelled like a pack of pigs living inside a garbage truck on the hottest day in August.

  And that wasn’t even the worst part.

  The babies had kicked my microscope off the desk and dug a hole inside my couch. My microscope was smashed to pieces!

  This was too much. I loved my microscope and I was very SMAD (that’s mad and sad at the same time. Okay, I’ll stop that now).

  How can they be so adorable one second and so destructive the next?

  That was brilliant. I thought I’d seen leashes and collars at Mr. Hoopah’s store.

  We all went together and bought eight leashes plus collars. It cost me $24, but hey, if that’s the price for mental health, it’s worth it.

  Then the real fun began.

  It took us forty-five minutes just to get the little beasts into their little collars.

  Here’s a picture of us after we had finally managed to get the collars on.

  I don’t know how we finally got to the dog park, but we made it, and everyone was still alive.

  Once we got there and set them free, it was HAPPINESS AT FIRST SIGHT.

  It was the best afternoon I’ve had in a long time. I could have sat there forever watching my Olgamus friends being healthy and happy.

  When we got home from the park, a surprise was waiting on the front porch: this GINORMOUS BOX.

  I have to admit that I’m a huge package fan too.

  There was no indication of what was inside the box, so I was a bit wary. What if it was a prank? Or a bunch of annoying paparazzi trying to take photos of us?

  I looked at the return address on the package:

  The Lalas started jumping up and down next to me.

  First I wrangled all the Olgamuses and brought them inside. Then we all dragged the extremely heavy box into the living room. What could it BE?

  I started prying the top open.

  Out came a bunch of those foamy peanut thingies that they use for packing fragile stuff. We took those out and put them on the floor. The Olgamuses went crazy! They were running around the pile as if it were Christmas and they were playing in the snow.

  Here’s what was in the box:

  “Look!” said Chuck. “There’s a note.”

  I still had no clue what it was! The Lalas, Chuck, and I started unpacking it, piece by piece. Soon the living room was full of nuts, bolts, tubes, springs, pipes, and all sorts of things.

  “Oh, I get it!” said Chuck. “It’s a pet house! I found the instruction booklet!”

  This was so cool. I just LOVE putting stuff together.

  We all got to work. The Lalas were pretty good at figuring out complicated stuff, while Chuck was creative with the parts he found, transforming roofs into bathtubs and doors into windows.

  After a few hours of headaches, lost screws, and unidentifiable parts, we finally finished it.

  We put Sweeps and Denis in the house first, but they seemed more interested in the foamy peanuts. So I tried Meh.

  She just sat there.

  We tried again with the other babies. At first, they didn’t seem to know what to do, but after a few minutes, the fun began.

  This was a great gift. I have to send a thank-you note to the people at Awesome magazine.

  The Olgamus house thingy was huge! It took up most of the living room, but I can’t complain! I knew my life would change when I decided to adopt an alien.

  Plus, watching the happy little animals was fun.

  Lots of stuff has happened since my last entry; I had to take a break to reflect on my life with the Olgamuses.

  As much as I adore the babies, being an alien zookeeper/grandma/caregiver has turned out to be too much for one person.

  Besides, my house is too small for seven extra-energetic, fast-growing creatures and their mother. And when I say “fast-growing,” I’m not kidding. Here’s their growth chart since they were born.

  Yes, it’s true. Mu is now the biggest of them all. If he keeps growing at this rate, he’ll need to sleep in a dumpster instead of a garbage can.

  Those aren’t the only challenges. Pollux has grown some very long, silky pink hair. He looks like a mop now.

  Also: Their skin has become totally opaque, like their mother’s, so I can’t see their insides anymore. But I have proof that their digestive system is in tiptop shape.

  Some grown-ups have complained that I use the word “poop” too much in my science notebooks, so I won’t go into the proof I have about their digestive system, other than to say it looks like multicolored skittles, smells awful, and now comes in quantities that would make you dizzy.

  Another milestone: The babies eat solid foods: mostly olives, of course. They almost don’t nurse anymore, which is a relief to Meh, but now they eat like teen-agers. Especially Mu.

  Now for the math lovers out there, here’s a fun question:

  If Meh, when she was alone here, ate three jars of olives a week, how many jars a week will she and seven strapping teenage Olgamuses eat?*

  I realized quickly that I don’t have the money, the time, the physical or mental strength—and the room I would need—to keep all the babies with me. And there is no way I’ll be able to walk them all to the park every day by myself.

  I had to do something! (That’s when I remembered!)

  It was a very hard decision to make, but I had to consider it.

  So I called all my friends—kids and grown-ups. I asked them if they would like to adopt one of the Olgamuses.

  And guess what? ALL my friends said yes!

  The Lalas were so excited they hugged me.

  They chose two babies: Sweeps and Denis, who can’t be separated anyway: they are always together.

  Chuck wanted one too. He knows that Mister gets along with most Olgamuses. He picked HD142B because she reminds him of Meh. Since Mister and Meh are very good friends, he thinks they’ll like each other too.

  Mr. Hoopah asked if he could have one to keep him company at the store. He gets lonely during his long evening shifts. I told him yes, and he picked Pollux, who can also serve as a guard Olgamus.

  Ms. Swoop chose Ogle because she likes her peace and quiet. She wants to try to train Ogle to sit nicely on her shoulder at the library.

  That left me with Meh, Mu, and Upsi. Three Olgamuses and me. A happy family of four. That was still a big number of Olgamuses, so I got to keep the Olgamus house.

  Still, giving away more than half my Olgamus family was breaking my heart. There was no way I’d let them go without being sure I’d see them all the time. I trust my human friends, but I needed to be completely sure, so I made them all sign this contract:

  I had one last group hug with my favorite creatures, and then I hugged the kind humans who would soon be taking care of them. I know my aliens are in good hands and that together we make one big, loving, human-Olgamus family.

  I feel so lucky as a scientist. First of all, I made the coolest discovery of all time (in my opinion), but in the process, I also:

  Thank you, Olgamuses.

  About the Author

  ELISE GRAVEL is the creator of Olga and the Smelly Thing from Nowhere and Olga: We’re Out of Here!, the first two books in a series inspired by her science-loving daughter. She is also the author and illustrator of many other books for children, including I Want a Monster!, The Cranky Ballerina, The Mushroom Fan Club, and If Found . . . Please Return to Elise Gravel. Always keeping a sharp eye out for any stray Olgamuses, Elise lives in Montreal with her husband, two daughters, and two splendid cats. Find her at www.elisegravel.com.

  Discover great authors, exclusive offers, and more at hc.com.

  Books by Elise Gravel

  Olga: We’re O
ut of Here!

  Olga and the Smelly Thing from Nowhere

  The Cranky Ballerina

  I Want a Monster!

  Copyright

  OLGA: OUT OF CONTROL! Copyright © 2019 by Elise Gravel. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

  www.harpercollinschildrens.com

  Cover art © 2019 by Elise Gravel